The Dead Captain Roberts

Author: Ishtanchuk Fazmarai

Original post: https://forums-archive.eveonline.com/message/3717769#post3717769

Entry for the YC115 Pod and Planet Contest in the Other Thing Just Make You Swear and Curse category.

"It had to happen some day", sighed Hink Dumper, second mate of the pirate cruiser "Error 404". Captain Roberts was laying on his bed, half of his body hanging out of it as if he had struggled to get out of bed when death struck him.

After many years of tryannical rule and decaying glory, nobody else but Hink Dumper was authorized to see Captain Roberts, and so he quickly reached out to take his chance: why not hide the death from the men aboard and seize power? He quickly drew his plan, and for the next months he incarnated a new Captain Roberts and plundered the lowsec trade lanes.

It was a furious and succesful comeback, and everyone started fearing the "Error 404" again. But alas!, as the new exploits of Captain Roberts grew up and outshined his former achievements, also Hink Dumper grew disgruntled of being the hidden hand behind the success while the corpse -conveniently sealed in a body bag- gathered all glory.

And so one day Hink Dumper called all hands aboard and told them the truth:

"You fools! You've been commanded by a dead man all this months! Captain Roberts is dead, and I've taken command since and have made our ship prosper! There's no better Captain Roberts, than the Dead Captain Roberts!"

Five minutes later, Hink Dumper had a few split seconds to regret how nobody would read the classics in this time and place, right before the crew beheaded him to ensure that he would do as well as the Dead Captain Roberts had done since his demise...