A Day in the Life of Dread Pirate Rodgers
Author: Dread Pirate Rodgers
Original post: https://dreadpiraterodgersstories.blogspot.com/
Entry for the YC114 Pod and Planet Fiction Contest in the A Day in the Life category.
"Space Blackout: Waking up"
“Arrrrghhh – is it morning already?” Dread Pirate Rodgers thought to himself as he rolled off the sofa in his private quarters. Last night had been particularly rough as Dread had managed to get the “pod express” three times and now unfortunately found himself without anything shiny in his head as he tried to shake off his grogginess. Everything seemed like it took forever to process – to get up, grab coffee, walk down the hallway, and enter the access code to his personal hangar absolutely frustrated him with how foreign and slow it felt. He desperately needed to get another standard set the next time he was welcomed sans CONCORD Officers with missiles blazing in Jita 4-4. Dread chuckled thinking about the last time that had happened somewhat unexpectedly (he tried ransoming a freighter filled with blueprints and had forgotten that such debauchery was severely frowned upon), and laughed at how many Navy Battleships he had taken down with his rage torpedoes before his 2 Ancillary Shield Boosters just had to decide it was a good time to run out of charges, and he was a sitting duck. Dread scowled, and stumbled walking into his hangar, spilling hot coffee on himself. “What a fantastic day this will be,” he muttered. Opening up his inventory, Dread went to activate his prized Caldari Navy Raven – and discovered he’d lost that, his Caracal, and his Drake. Checking his mail and account balances, he could see a 1 Bill deposit from his brother Buck Rodgers. “Damn – just what did I get myself into last night” he grumbled as he tried to remember the previous evening’s engagements…
“I’m Engaged”
“I NEED BACKUP – I’M ENGAGED…WHY THE HELL AREN’T YOU WARPING TO ME?” Dread screamed over comms to Captain Buck Rodgers. “I told you there were ships inbound that’ve been chasing me,” Dread chided, starting to maneuver himself to align towards station “Sol Ceil” in S9X-AX. The first red chasing Dread uncloaked; as it started targeting him, Dread realized he couldn’t warp out it time. “Frack Buck, I need you here yesterday. I can’t make it to station.” “Just overheat your hardeners and don’t aggress them Dread. Head for the gate,” Buck dead-panned. As Dread checked his scanners and targeted the Rifter now tackling him, he only counted three reds: the Rifter, and a Drake and Blackbird which were decloaking and starting to target him. Dread quickly crunched possible scenarios in his head, and decided that with Buck’s help inbound, they would grab a nice haul to make up for his recent ransom drought. This was going to be fun, so long as he took the blackbird out fast. Powering up his hardeners and target painting the Blackbird, Dread barely managed to get off a volley of cruise missiles before he was jammed, dropping the Blackbird into armor. “When you land Buck, the Blackbird is primary, get it down.” “Acknowledged, landing on gate soon.” Dread’s shield was down to 53% when he was able to lock the Blackbird again and send another volley towards it – 24% armor left. Dread sent out his flight of Advanced Hammerhead Drones, pointing them towards the battered Blackbird as he activated his Ancillary Shield Booster the moment his shields touched 33%. “Finally,” Dread sighed to himself; Buck Rodgers was showing up on scan as he exited warp and landed on top of the red triumvirate. Dread’s booster ran out of charges. His shield was only back to 70%, but it would have to last. His drones dropped the blackbird into structure, flames and smoke started to billow from the ship. Buck exploded the Blackbird into a pretty supernova with a single pulse of his Armageddon’s white lasers. “Nice – this will be a spacewalk!!” Dread exclaimed. “Let’s take care of the Rifter so we can GTFO if anyone else shows up”. The moment those words left his mouth, Dread cursed as a Flycatcher and Tengu entered system – and he found himself bubbled with Buck.
"Pod Express Services"
Dread grumbled, “Well, I’m not going to last long Buck – save yourself if you can. So let’s shoot at the flycatcher so we can get you out of this damn bubble.” Dread’s shield went down. His armor melted. Dread overheated his Damage Control unit – hoping to hang in long enough to pop the flycatcher. No Dice. Dread found himself in a pod, and quickly thereafter a clone. Buck’s voice broke the silence as Dread opened his eyes, “Good news Dread: the flycatcher is down, but I need your help to deal with the rifter and tengu tackling me, my armor is dropping slowly.” “Just overheat your hardeners and sit tight,” Dread sarcastically imitated Buck. “Real funny Dread, just get here now.” Dread sprinted back to his hangar and activated his drake, tossing an armor transfer into his last offensive slot. As soon as Dread arrived, he targeted Buck and started repping him, noting his armor was dangerously low at 21%, then fired up his heavy missiles and pounded away on the tengu. Dread’s alarms started flashing, his ship was being hit and his shields were melting – he had forgotten to turn on his hardeners and was into armor. “Umm Buck – I’m going to die again, I goofed.” “No hardeners again, Dread?” “Yeah, something like that.” Dread waved farewell as he popped, and woke up in station soon thereafter…
“It all makes sense now,” Dread thought as he smiled: he had also lost his Carcal and another pod afterwards as they finally finished off the tengu. Buck Rodgers had proceeded to pop both the Tengu and Rifter, and then loot the field. “That Tengu must’ve dropped some nice faction modules if we made two Bill last night” Dread chuckled as he undocked in a Kestrel to start his day.