Consolidated Cooperation and Relations Command (CONCORD) Secure Commerce Commission v. Wingspan Delivery Services, LLC.
Author: Saladiin
Original post: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-xZMZo4sdS8ddPc1Cxu16AaVffMX69ywSCrKYLfmxcA/edit
Entry for the YC116 Pod and Planet Fiction Contest in the A Day in the Life category.
Editors note: formatting is messed up.
Consolidated Cooperation and Relations Command (CONCORD) Secure Commerce Commission v. Wingspan Delivery Services, LLC. 243-97890 November 16, YC 116
Background: This case was brought before us when allegations were raised by numerous capsuleers that Wingspan Delivery Services, LLC (Henceforth referred to as WNGSP), was in fact a terrorist/pirate organization operating throughout Empire and Low security space under the guise of a legitimate “torpedo delivery” business (Wormhole and Null sec are outside the scope of our jurisdiction) . The following is entered into the court as evidence by the plaintiff, Secure Commerce Commission (henceforth referred to as SCC) against defendant, Chance Ravinne, CEO of WNGSP. SCC asserts that these documents prove that WNGSP explicitly endorsed a policy of agents engaging in piracy and terrorist operations within Empire and Low security space. WNGSP asserts that their former “delivery agent”, Saladiin, was a mentally ill pilot who violated corporate directives and was not representative of the corporation’s business practices. Saladiin’s personal logs, as well as transcripts of internal audio feeds and ship’s logs are presented to us today to provide the facts of the case. Aside from the redaction of Personally Identifiable Information, the records are unedited, thus containing foul language and grammatical errors.
Personal log: [date redacted, referred to as H +0 hours] *** System: [system redacted] While idling about in space, I take at look at my awards and decorations. This one always makes me smile: “For exemplary customer service communications.” Hah, real cute. We pummel these suckers into dust, but we go ahead and call it a “Torpedo Delivery Service”, because you know...isn’t it everyone’s dream to get a salvo of torpedoes in an ice field?. It’s hard to put spin blowing up someone’s ship into a positive experience, but Chance did it, and I’m running with it. His new corp, Wingspan Delivery Services, has made a hell of a name for itself over the past few months. His idea was simple and pure gold. Grab some cloaky ships, prey on weak targets, blast them and send them cute delivery receipts charging for the torpedoes. I almost feel bad for these dummies; some of these idiots don’t get it. One of them actually sent me a payment for the torps once; I’m guessing he didn’t want to run afoul of CONCORD by failing to pay for our “services”. Dumb sucker. I’ll take your isk any day, bub. And now here I am, hovering 200 Kilometers off a data site, all cozy and cloaked in my Manticore. I took Chance's original idea spun it into something brilliant. “Data and relic site preservation”. Genius! CONCORD bought it, hook, line and sinker. Wearing my best suit, I met with their capsuleer liaison and gave him our proposal: “We’re not harassing pilots...we are preserving New Eden’s heritage!” I told the CONCORD liaison. I had confidence in my sales pitch. But I had more confidence in my contact within Yulai. A few million isks will make people sing your praise. My contact paid off and convinced his bosses to let my project fly, with a few minor restrictions. "Don't bring it to highsec, but feel free to preserve these sites elsewhere; you're doing a good thing”, the CONCORD official said to me. I hang here for hours at a time, pounce when I see an explorer warp in, and send him a “delivery notice” warning him not to desecrate these historical sites. Historical sites! Historical-my-ass, they're just cans in space, hahaha! I don’t like to toot my own horn, but even I have to admit, that’s a brilliant twist to turn this legit. It was good enough to earn me the “Customer service” award last month at least, hah! BEEP Just received a mail. Looks like another satisfied customer. Let's see what it says. -From [name redacted]: -Re: Data site intrusion, first warning Message begins -You’re an asshole. message ends* Satisfied indeed. Back to the task at hand: Patrolling my sector for other ‘intruders’ of these data and relic sites.
Personal log: H + 4 hours Another four hours of my life, gone. This is the part they don’t warn you about during orientation. The waiting. The godsdamn waiting! This sector is looking pretty dry today. This is the only data site within 5 systems in every direction. But someone’s gonna bite. They always do! How would I know that? Because I’ve walked away from enough sites, only to come back and see some JERK in a Buzzard warp off with the last of the site’s loot in his hold. But that was nothing. The worst time was a few months back. Oh god...Muetralle…I remember it as if it happened yesterday. What a miserable day. I sat perched up in a relic site for days. Had my set up ready to go. And I waited. And waited. And waited. A sane person can only wait for so long! I said screw it and after 79 hours I warped off to find some other site in the systems next door. After several fruitless hours, I decided to call off my probe-scanning session and return to Muetralle. As soon as I jumped into system, I saw an unfamiliar name in the system’s local pilot registry. His name was [name redacted]. I did a quick background search of his combat history (another benefit from my CONCORD buddy in Yulai). This guy was a loser. Combat victories: 0. Combat losses: 56. What ships did he like burning through? The list read like a dream; Helios, Venture, Retriever, Venture, Asteros, Helios, and so on. He ain’t no fighter, that’s for damn sure. Then it struck me. Gods, he’s at my site! I set a course to my emergency warp-in at the relic site. “Oh gods oh gods oh gods” I remember muttering to myself. Around this time, I was still new to the whole explorer-hunting business, so every kill was a thrill. But I was a jittery asshole, too. I couldn't sit still when I was about to pounce. When I would warp, it was always the same routine: 22 AUs until arrival “Come on!” 19.7 AUs until arrival I scan the site. Still there. 8.3 AUs until arrival I scan the site again. Please don’t leave. 3.8 AUs until arrival I scan the site yet again. If you leave, I’ll hate you so much... 0.8 AUs until arrival If my pod had a console, I’d be banging on it by now. Go faster! 9,876,012 Kilometers until arrival That Astero is mine. 2,000 Kilometers until arrival Here goes nothing. You have arrived at your destination I finally arrived at my warp-in, and what do I see. An Asteros! Oh man these ships are gold…if you can bring one down, of course. The sister’s poured big isk into those projects, and despite being a frig, an Astero can ruin your day real quick. I wanted that kill...excuse me...I wanted to make my "delivery" real bad, hahaha! “Activate point, painter, and launch torpedoes on lock!” I instructed my computer. My first Asteros kill! God I felt so alive! The target you have selected is out of range, my computer system coolly told me. “What! Target the ship.” But before I even finished my sentence, I saw my ‘customer’ warp off into the sunset, probably laughing his ass off at me. Dick. I warped to my perch, cloaked up again, and proceeded to bash my console for the next five minutes. Unfortunately, that’s become a pretty frequent ritual for me. Oh well, big deal, right? Who hasn’t let a target slip from their grasp? Ohhh no, the story doesn’t end there. Nope, that would be to painless for me. Three hours later, while docked up at a station in nearby Melmaniel, I check the regional combat activity log. Top of the list: Astero. I read through the report. I died a little inside. Regional Combat Log: Verge Vendor -Ship lost: Astero -Value (in isk) lost: 1.2 billion End log report 1.2 billion. Enough for a fleet of Manticores to sweep the space lanes clear of every Astero forever! The idiot must’ve just popped in from a week long trek through null or j-space. And to pour salt on the wound, he didn’t even fit his ship for drone combat. A pure hacker ship. And I let him escape. Ever since that day, I rotate through all my sites religiously and never overextend myself. And now here I am, 22 hours into my current delivery session. So many torpedoes to deliver, but no one to send them to. Gods help the first Venture or Cheetah that pops up on D-scan. Whatever. I think I’ll jump out of my pod and go into my cabin to watch some holovids. A corpie handed me one of these Caldari prostitute vids. Oh gods, those filthy, dirty prostitutes. **The following is the transcript of the audio recording in the capsule* H + 12 Hours WARP SIGNATURE DETECTED WARP SIGNATURE DETECTED [Faint yelling] “I’m coming, wait!” WARP SIGNATURE DETECTED [Clattering] Capsuleer pod reinsertion initiating Capsuleer pod reinsertion complete “Shit, shit, SHIT! What do we have?!” Astero-class frigate. Registry number 409876. Vessel name: “Nope” “Roger. Go ahead and pre-heat the scrams and torpedo bay” Do you wish to overheat the target painter as well? “NO, NOT TH…does overheating a painter even do anything? Never mind!! What’s our distance to the nearest data can?” 109 Kilometers “Good, go ahead and alig…wait, 109?” Affirmative [Unintelligible] “GODSDAMN IT HOW DID WE DRIFT SO FAR?! Get us at least 150 from the nearest can! How many has he knocked out so far?” One can has been accessed. Three remain “Great! Just fucking great! Hit the afterburners” Affirmative. Decloaking ship [Unintelligible] “NO NO NO NO NO, belay that last order! Just burn us out on normal propulsion.” 129 Kilometers from target destination “CANS?” Two cans remain “Ok, baby, we got this. Computer, bring up the drone overview” Activated “Hahaha! Idiot. No drone support, huh genius?!. ‘Nope’ is a good name for his ship…he ain’t getting this loot today, nope nope. HAHAHA!” 143 Kilometers from target destination [laughter] “We got this, girl, we got this! Ooooh whee, this is gonna be a good day! Computer, how much room we got left in the hold?” 101 m3 “Works for me. Might even have room for his corpse, haha! Distance?” 149.2 Kilometers “Computer, hold at 151.” Target distance achieved “Bring us about! Lock in the Astero’s current can and warp at zero!” Initiating warp … You have arrived at your destination* *The following is the Combat Log from Saladiin’s ship during the engagement (The date has been redacted, but the timestamps were left in for chronological purposes) (21:36.12) (Notify): Initiating warp. Distance: 151 KM (21:36.15) (Notify): Arrived at destination (21:36.16) (Notify): You are within 2000 KM of Astero “Nope”. Ship decloaking (21:36.18) (Combat): Warp scramble attempt from YOU to “Nope” (21:36.18) (Combat): Warp scramble attempt from YOU to “Nope” (21:36.21) (Combat): 236 to “Nope” – Caldari Navy Scourge Torpedo - Hits (21:36.29) (Combat): 190 to “Nope” – Caldari Navy Scourge Torpedo – Hits (21:36.31) (Notify): You cannot target “Nope”. It is out of range (21:36.32) (Notify): You cannot target “Nope”. It is out of range (21:36.33) (Notify): You cannot target “Nope”. It is out of range (21:36.34) (Notify): Please wait (21:36.34) (Notify): Please wait (21:36.34) (Notify): Please wait (21:36.34) (Notify): Please wait (21:36.34) (Notify): Please wait (21:36.34) (Notify): Please wait (21:36.34) (Notify): Please wait (21:36.34) (Notify): Please wait (21:36.42) (Combat): 1267 to Barren Asteroid – Caldari Navy Scourge Torpedo – Hits (21:36.49) (Notify): Unable to find target "godsdamn asshole" (21:36.51) (Notify): Unable to fly myself into the sun. Heat levels would exceed safe limits (21:36.59) (Medical): Capsuleer Physiological Parameters exceeding safe limits (21:38.02) (Warning): If you self-destruct your ship, you will lose it! Are you sure you want to initiate the 2 minute self-destruct sequence? (21:38.03) (Notify): Your Manticore will self-destruct in 2 minutes (21:38.11) (Notify): Self destruction of your Manticore has been cancelled due to external factors The following is the transcript of the audio recording in capsule [Unintelligible] [Expletives for approximately 2 minutes] “STABS! FOUR STABS! WHO EQUIPS FOUR STABS ON A SHIP! THE SICK SICK ASSHOLE!” Capsuleer Physiological Parameters exceeding safe limits “FUCK OFF! FOUR STABS! WHAT DOES HE THINK HE IS FLYING? AN OFFICER-FIT TITAN! THAT GODSDAMN PARANOID ASSHOLE!” Capsuleer Physiological Para… “AHHHHHHHH!” [Unintelligible] [clanging] [Yelling] "Go fly yourself into the godsdamn sun, you stupid computer!" Unable to fly myself into the sun. Heat levels would exceed safe limits "Unable to fly myself into the sun. Heat levels BLAH BLAH BLAH I know, shut up!" “I swear to gods, I will hunt every last Asteros until those Whores of Eve come begging on their knees for me to stop!” Shall I set course for X-7OMU? “What? No! Gods, just cloak us before some asshole jumps us.” Cloak engaged* ‘Deliveries my ass. I’m gonna do everything in my power to blast every last Helios, Buzzard, Heron and other asshole explorer ship I can get my hands on. Ohhh there will be deliveries. I’ll deliver these torps STRAIGHT UP THEIR AS…” *Record ends***