Love: Lost and Found

Author: Miyoshi Akachi

Original post:

A short fiction piece for Just About. Entry for YC126 New Eden Capsuleer’s Writing Contest in the Prose category.

The metal floor was neatly polished, reflecting the stark lights from above.

Heeled black boots sat on them, casting a dark shadow. Only a moment was spent for adjustments, to get fully used to clothes and gravity, to check the appearance, to steady the mind. They headed for the door, into the room beyond and out in the corridors. The steps were self-assured, they had a destination, they had an objective.

Corridors and elevators alternated as they made their way from the docking bays to the living quarters on the higher levels. They crossed busier areas, where other boots and shoes shared the polished floors, before they headed into the residential areas. Those were quieter, people were either at work, sleeping or keeping quiet. Living in space, where the sun always shined, made the concept of day and night quite fluid and personal.

The boots stopped in front one of the many doors in that living block. L2016K15 read beside the door. Level 2016, block K, number 15. A grid of numbers and letters was easier to maintain than using names of people, people that could come and go in a matter of hours. There was a breath.

A slight shuffle of feet. They turned to leave. They took a pair of steps away from the door before they stopped.

There was another breath, deeper.

They hadn’t come all this way only to run away. Again.

They had come all this way to face their errors.

They retraced those steps, standing once again in front of that door. An anonymous door for everyone but them.

They breathed as a hand hovered on the doorbell.

It hovered. Doubt. Fear. Determination.

They breathed.

They pushed it.

The doorbell rang.

It took a moment before the door slid open, revealing a woman. Lean under the oversized dark T-shirt, with dark almond eyes and chiselled features. Behind her opened a small apartment, with a viewport out of which the stars shone.

Her eyes were inquisitive just as the tone of her words, she wasn’t expecting visitors “Hello, what can I d…” The words caught in her throat when she recognized the visitor.

Them.

Of all the people, them.

“I’m back.” They whispered.

The whisper carried a history: the anger of mistakes, the longing for something past, the pain of the loss, the emptiness of the incompleteness.

There was stillness.

Nothing moved.

Nothing could be heard.

Even the environmental systems of the station had suddenly gone quiet.

Even the stars outside the viewport didn’t blink as everything held their breath.

Emotions played on the young woman’s face: surprise, anger, pain, longing, hope.

She felt like she had been sent spinning without direction, like a lone container ejected from a ship. The station itself felt like it had started spinning under her feet.

She felt herself falling but then, she didn’t hit the cold metal floor: arms encircled her, warm arms had reached for her, real arms. There was warmth, warmth in the body that pulled her close.

She shivered.

She knew that hold.

She knew that warmth.

She had missed them.

She had longed for them.

She held to them and they held her back.

Lips met.

Emotions that had been relegated to the loneliest corners of the mind rushed out in the open, once again free to be.

They kissed. Deeply.

The station disappeared around them and what remained was one and the other. What remained was a love that had been ignored, negated for too long.

“I… I… didn’t think you would… come back…” she whispered softly. When Eliaxia had left, it had felt like she would not come back. At first, she had felt strong, she didn’t need her, she could well go on without her, there were so many people in the cluster, she could find someone else at any time. And yet, she found herself missing the warmth, missing the presence, she felt like she had lost a part of herself and she had lost it forever.

“I’m sorry.” Eliaxia whispered back. Rage had consumed her at the time, she had stormed out of their apartments vowing to not come back, she was done with it all. And yet, she hadn’t been done with it at all. In the loneliness of space, when the stars were far away and only asteroids and space rubble surrounded her, she had seen Madia’s face hovering there. Her mind had drifted back to her, back to those moments where life felt complete, where she had felt complete, where she had felt human.

Madia reached to cup Eliaxia’s face, a face she had come to know, every wrinkle, every mark, clone perfect and yet imperfect “It’s… it’s okay.” She whispered. She felt like the sun could shine again, she felt like she was on the verge of being again, she just needed to extend herself and lean into it. A dark thorn spoke out of hatred from the darkest recesses of her mind: why should she forgive? Why should she admit her own errors? She chose to ignore the dark voice: she wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

“Please come in.” it had suddenly dawned on Madia, just as it did on Eliaxia, that they were standing, half bent and kissing, right in the middle of the corridor.

“Maybe it’s better.” For all the weight of the moment, Eliaxia couldn’t stop a small smile to pull at her lips. She didn’t care much, she had grown up in the Gallente Federation, kissing in the streets was nothing, but she knew Madia came from a different way of life, and it mattered for her.

They stepped into the apartment and Eliaxia suddenly felt like she had taken a step back in time. Memories flooded back: all the times they had talked sitting on that same couch, all the times they had cooked on that same stove, all the times that they had laid on the bed, whispering each other naughty desires, silly jokes and hidden secrets.

The apartment hadn’t changed… and yet it had. It was more subtle. The touch of Madia was still there, from the spices in the kitchenette, to the banner of her house hanging from the wall. However, she knew it missed her own touch: the space electro posters on the wall, the mug on the nightstand, the apron with “Gallente: spicy and hot” hanging by the kitchen.

Madia tugged her away from her musings by pulling her closer once again. Their hands intertwined and Eliaxia was surprised to find her lover still wearing the silver and dark green ring, the one she had gifted her that time, on the balcony overlooking Caille. “You didn’t throw it away.” she whispered, amazed: she had thought Madia would have thrown the ring into space after she had left. She couldn’t have blamed her for that.

“I tried but I always stopped short of it.” came the soft reply. Madia had tried, she even hid it in the deepest drawer she could find and yet, she found herself wearing it again. It had been the only connection left to the one person she had loved with all herself. “Does it mean you still love me?” the gallentean girl asked with a smile: her lightly playful tone hid trepidation, hid the hope that the answer would be yes, the hope that she could amend her mistakes and be whole again.

“I still love you… I always did.” there was no tremble in those words. There was acceptance and forgiveness, there was hope and passion, there was the offer of a new beginning.

“I love you too.” Eliaxia felt a weight raise from her heart, she felt the darkness at the corner of her view recede, she felt the light shine again, and she promised herself she would amend her mistakes and not do them again.

They felt whole again.

They found love again.

OOC commentary Relationships are not always perfectly smooth and nice, there are always bad moments where the relationship is tested. This piece is about the aftermath of one of those moments, where the relationship had strained, reached its breaking point but then, brought them back together. Relationships, the good ones at least, are not one sided, but they are a two way connection and I tried to also touch on this: they both think about what happened and both accept their part of the fault and both promise to try work to better themselves and not redo the same mistakes.
I tried to drop little hints and details about the characters without outright defining them. The little details outline one (Eliaxia) as a Gallente-born capsuleer and the other (Madia) as a Khanid-born non capsuleer. Their relationship is a relationship between worlds (capsuleers versus not capsuleers), between ways of living (carefree and outspoken gallentean versus reserved and structured of Khanid), between races (Gallente versus Khanid/Amarr) but what crosses the gap between worlds that seems so far apart is love.
I don’t see capsuleers as completely detached from the rest of the world, some might be, but I see many of them participating in it. Why? The reasons could be many, such as pleasure and fun, but then I’d see another one: feeling human. For a moment, when they share the life of a plain Human, a Capsuleer could feel human, just human, and not a god-like being raining fire on their enemy. I believe this is a feeling which more than a few capsuleers could seek out.