“The True Emperor” Holo Reel and Spin-Off

Author: Nauplius

Original post: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. Part 4

Entry for YC124 New Eden Capsuleer’s Writing Contest in the Gossip/News/Opinion category.

Part 1

2021.07.06
ATLANINS III - IMPETUS PUBLISHER, EVERYSHORE

Legendary holoreel actor Jacques Benoit faced a flood of protest as multiple industry news outlets reported that he had signed a deal with the Amarrian Orthodox Church, Sedevacantist to star in a upcoming film about the coming of the so-called “True Emperor” of sedevacantist theology. “It is to be expected,” complained Minmatar-rights activist Astrid Svensson, “that after his last two films Rogue Drone Cyber Knight and Raiders of the Lost Takhmal Crystal Skull bombed at the box office, Mr. Benoit would take any opportunity for a big payday, especially given he’s currently undergoing his fourth divorce. What we didn’t expect was that Mr. Benoit would trample all over the Minmatar people to get that payday.” De facto sedevacantist leader Nauplius has repeatedly preached that the coming of his church’s “True Emperor” would be accompanied by the re-enslavement of all Minmatar, even those currently given freedom by the Amarr Empire. Further inflaming activists’ ire was the discovery in holoreel trade magazines of advertisments seeking “50,000 Ethnically Minmatar Extras” as well as “Industrial Quantities of Artifical Blood”, suggesting a film depicting the deaths of large number of Minmatar.

Sedevacantist Church spokesperson Calyce Io declined to comment on Mr. Benoit’s signing but said that a holoreel featuring the coming of the True Emperor is a long standing goal of the church. Mr. Benoit through his agent also declined comment on his deal with the sedevacantists, but claimed to have nothing but love and respect for the Minmatar people.

Part 2

2021.12.1
ATLANINS III - IMPETUS PUBLISHER, EVERYSHORE

An overwhelming chorus of negative reviews has accompanied the general availability of Gallente holoreel star Jacques Benoit’s latest release, The True Emperor, a project funded by the Amarrian Orthodox Church, Sedevacantist. The controversial holoreel features Mr. Benoit in the titular role assembling an army among Amarr defectors, Jin-Mei caste system enthusiasts, rebel Intaki, and more as they challenge Empress Catiz — revealed to be the weak, submissive plaything of Minmatar ruler Maleatu Shakor in both politics and the bedroom — for possession of the Amarr Golden Throne.

Gratuitous (and un-Amarrian) levels of sex and violence mark The True Emperor’s script, written by sedevacantist leader Nauplius, with the steamy scenes between Catiz and Shakor only the tip of the iceberg. Early in the motion picture, the True Emperor seduces and takes as his mistress a Vherokior lounge singer named Larissa, who somewhat incongruously accompanies the True Emperor on his horse, her indecent red sequin dress riding up her thigh as the pair bounds into battle. Also alongside the Emperor is his sidekick Chastity, a Ni-Kunni woman with a tiny waist and enormous hips who sends scores of Minmatar warriors flying to their doom with her powerful hip-checks. In a climatic scene, a bare-chested Mr. Benoit himself slaughters thousands of Minmatar — civilian and combatant alike — dual-wielding Prototype Nuclear Small Arms.

Critical consensus is running overwhelmingly against The True Emperor, with Galnet aggregator Rotten Long Limbed Roe Eggs scoring the film a rare “0% fresh”. Famed critic Bernadette Renault panned the holoreel, writing, “Again and again a dull pattern pervades The True Emperor. First, a sermon encouraging some new party to join the crusade. Then, a shameless, over-the-top battle scene — during one particularly low point, the Emperor summons a yak herd with some sort of magic scepter and crown which literally stampedes the enemy into the ground. Finally, the Emperor and his willing mistress consummate the triumph on the field of victory as defeated, captive, and chained Minmatar are carried away in the background. Repeat.” Minmatar rights activist Astrid Svensson expressed concern over the portrayal of Minmatar in the production: “Minmatar are shown as monster-like cannon fodder and slaughtered in numbers never seen in the history of holoreels. I’ve heard reports of midnight showings of the picture including a sort of hologame ‘scoreboard’ that rings and counts up every time a Minmatar is killed — which is often.”

The Amarr Empire’s Ministry of Internal Order quickly banned The True Emperor in all the Empire’s territories. Responding to criticism of the production’s sex and violence, church spokesperson Calyce Io said that the holoreel does not present the theology of a mature sedevacantist believer, but instead attempts to spread a taste of sedevacantism among those who would not otherwise encounter it.

Part 3

2021.12.10
ATLANINS III - IMPETUS PUBLISHER, EVERYSHORE

Ni-Kunni actress Amirah Damali recently gave an interview to the Gallentean holoreel press regarding her role in the recent production The True Emperor. The holoreel, funded by notorious capsuleer Nauplius and his Sedevacantist Church, bombed at the box office on the weekend of its release but recently recovered based on ‘so bad it’s good’ word of mouth along with increased appreciation for Amirah’s role as the Emperor’s sidekick ‘Chastity’, a Ni-Kunni with gigantic hips. As 2D and 3D Chastity memes have flourished on Galmet, the Sedevacantist Church has altered its advertising for The True Emperor to place Miss Damali’s Chastity character at the forefront.

Miss Damali proudly told the press that she performed all her own stunts on The True Emperor, including the hip-checks so popular among Galnet memers. Of her recruitment to the project, she said that talent agents never asked her to read more than a line or two at her auditions and instead took precise measurements of her waist and hips, whose size the actress was required to maintain throughout the production by means of a strict diet. Regarding her future plans, Miss Damali continued that as a result of her character’s popularity, plans for The True Emperor’s sequel have been put on hold in order to make a Chastity-centric spinoff instead. She said little of the upcoming holoreel’s plot, but teased that ‘hips aren’t the only weapon in Chastity’s arsenal’. Although Miss Damali said that her agent had received calls from ‘every maker of hip pads in the Federation’ regarding endorsements, all were turned down lest anyone think the actress’s hips were anything except 100% natural.

The Amarrian Orthodox Church, Sedevacantist declined to confirm its production of a new holoreel starring Amirah Damali but said only that ‘fans haven’t seen the last of Chastity’.

Part 4

2022.02.09
ATLANINS III - IMPETUS PUBLISHER, EVERYSHORE

The second holoreel founded by the Amarrian Orthodox Church, Sedevacantist, titled The Scent of Faith, has released today in both regular and Aroma 3D theaters. Starring Ni-Kunni actress Amirah Damali, the production, a prequel to the previous sedevacantist holoreel The True Emperor, follows the adventures of a pilot with a tiny waist and giant hips named Chastity. The Scent of Faith begins with Chastity rising through the ranks of a purported Amarrian loyalist capsuleer alliance known as LUX, headed by a blonde part Amarrian, part Ni-Kunni woman known as Solarina. Fighting alongside — and taking orders from — another group of pilots named the “Chosen Minmatar”, Chastity wins victory after victory until she is invited to be initiated into LUX’s inner circle. There, she undergoes a ritual installation of fangs and is told of the hidden purpose of LUX — to produce half-breed offspring by miscegenation who will become the mortal tabernacles for a race of demons. Told by her Brutor boyfriend that the time has come for the couple to advance this sinister plot by having a child together, they are interrupted by sirens — a peaceful slaver convoy has been discovered and LUX must attack. But on this fateful mission, Chastity is captured by the Sedevacantist Church and its leader, “Poseidon”, with whom Chastity comes to share a stormy romance. Finally convinced of the error of her ways, Chastity joins the forces of sedevacantism 1 in a crusade against LUX on land and in space, winning victory after victory with the force of her hips and teeth until LUX is crushed and defeated.

As with its predecessor, The True Emperor, critical consensus is running overwhelmingly against The Scent of Faith. “Everything about this holoreel is excess,” wrote one critic. “Excess hips. Excess naked podgoo scenes. Excess biting.” A minority of critics found something favorable to say about The Scent of Faith, particularly the energetic performance of its star, Ms. Damali. “Enthralling hips, Enthralling scent,” wrote one who had evidently seen the Aroma 3D version.

Patient members of the audience noticed a post-credits scene following The Scent of Faith wherein the sidekick of LUX leader Solarina, an Achuran witch named “Melody”, begins chanting a curse against Poseidon and sedevacantism in the ruins of LUX headquarters.