From A to Z
Author: Voluspa Dreamweaver
Original post: https://forums-archive.eveonline.com/message/3854049#post3854049
Entry for the YC115 Pod and Planet Contest in the A Day in the Life category.
Hey Z!
Yeah, yeah, I know, hun! Long time no write. Thing is, I've been seriously busy since I became a capsulette, capsuleer... whatever. Now you know this life has always been my dream since I was knee high to a grasshopper. Remember how we used to play pretend that we were blowing up Amarr slaver ships or Caldari mercenaries from our treehouse “spaceship”? Well, sheesh, reality is so much more boring than I ever, ever imagined.
First off, I had to go through all these tedious career missions. I mean, sure it was fun blowing a few pirates away, but mining veldspar? You have to be kidding! Remember those prehistoric dental drills? Well, that's what a mining laser sounds like. Now imagine sitting in a flimsy Burst frigate listening to that drill for hours on end just to get some boring rocks. Not funny. And then they ask you to build stuff or move pointless stuff or buy stupidly over-priced tracking computers. What has any of that got to do with ridding the universe of slavers and mercenaries?
Anyway, I was a dutiful gal and did every mission, and even smiled sweetly at the instructors. Then they packed me off to see a Sister Attitude, Altitude, or some such. You know me and names. She was kinda prissy, really skinny, and spoke in high-falluting tones. Still, she did send me on some slightly more interesting missions, which my Thrasher dealt with easily. I do love artillery! The only thing I didn't like was being sent into enemy territory, and having to take missions from Amarr and Caldari agents. I didn't smile at them. But I guess it was all worthwhile. I made enough money to buy more ship stuff and skill books – and I really, really need to learn more. Did I tell you about my main man V? Well, he's been funding me, but it was nice being able to buy some things myself.
So, soon after after I returned from the SoE missions, V took me on a shopping trip to that cultural backwater – Rens. I knew, I just knew he had something on his mind. Something I wouldn't like. He was too nice to me, wouldn't look me in the eye. So I was really sweet, batted my baby blues, and let him stew.
It was only when we were having a drink after an exhausting time dealing with rapacious traders that he 'fessed.
V knocked back his third Vherokior Cinammon Firewater, and cleared his throat. “Sweetheart, I have some great news for you.” The weak smile told me otherwise.
I raised an eyebrow. “You've bought me a Rupture?”
He shook his head. “Not yet. Soon. We need to get you the ship skill and related support skills first. This is so much better, I promise. I've arranged for you to join EVE University. They'll teach you everything you need to know about combat, both solo and in fleets.”
Now redheads are volatile, and Brutor redheads doubly so, but I managed to control myself. Kinda. “I've just finished the most boring training missions. I'm a Brutor. A Slave Child. I was born for combat. And you want me to spend how long learning more theory? Is this your idea of a joke. Dear.”
V winced. “Umm... EU has an excellent reputation. Everything they do is practical. And they have excellent subsidies on ships, skills and more. And I promise I'll make sure all training time is yours.”
That's when I lost it. “Ha! Pffft! I don't believe you. You kept me waiting while you spent money on those useless trading skills. Then you had the bright idea of bringing in a manufacturing and research character. Who just happens to be a slim, blonde Sebiestor with large – ”
“Now, now, sweetheart.”
“Don't you 'now, now' me!” I knocked back my drink in one, and took his for good measure. “All she has to do is bat her eyes and you buy her Advanced Laboratory Operations.”
“Well, I promise that if you join EU all skill time for at least the next three months will be yours.”
I dismissed this offer with a flick of my hand. “Six months!”
V sighed. “Very well. Six months it is.”
I tried not to grin. “Then I agree.” Actually, I had heard of EU's reputation, but I wasn't about to admit it to V. “Well, we'd better stay in Rens for a few days. I'll need lots of new clothes and other supplies. Whereabouts in Minmatar space is the university?”
“Ah! Well... they're not. They're based in Korsiki.” V reached for the bottle of firewater.
I blinked. I think my mouth fell open at that moment. “Korsiki?” I squeaked. “Korsiki! That's... that's somewhere in enemy space.”
V topped my glass up. I'd knocked the last one back without realising. “Caldari space, actually. The Forge region, to be precise. And we aren't at war with them or the Amarr Empire for that matter.”
It was my turn to sigh. V had hoodwinked me. I'd given my word. My bad, I should've asked more questions. “Very well. But this is gonna cost you. Lots! I'm not turning up in Calboring space without a complete new wardrobe, and I'll need lots of ships, ammo and modules. You'd best hire a freighter. No way will all my stuff fit in your Mammoth, even if you do lash out and rig it.”
V looked embarrassed. “I'm sorry, sweetheart, no can do. Money's really tight at the moment. The new wardrobe you can have. And I've got a small stock of ships and bits, but you'll have to take them with you. I need to stay here and do more trades.”
I glared at him. “Purlease don't tell me you lost another ship in low-sec! It's just not worth trading there. Or did you speculate on a 'sure thing' in Hek again? My Thrasher may just have enough room for my clothes, so how do you expect me to move a bunch of Slashers and Rifters? Fly back and forth?”
“No, of course not. You can have the Hoarder. I checked and everything you need will fit in it. I've even added Tech II cargo expanders just for you.”
I went ballistic, frikking ballistic. “WHAT! You expect me to go 50 jumps in that old ho? You expect me to turn up at EU in that wreck? You expect me to travel through Gallente and Calboring space in THAT! It's not even fit for hauling cheap T1 ammo.”
V tried his reasonable tone on me. “It's more like 25 jumps, sweetheart. I've had the Hoarder completely overhauled, so she's fine for the journey.”
“Ha! Lipstick on a pig! You can polish a – ”
“And I need you to pick up some stuff for me from Tanoo. You can take it to Korsiki with you. I'll be selling it on in Jita.”
The bottle was empty. I caught the eye of a server and asked him to bring the house's most expensive Brutor firewater, not more of that cheap Vherokior brew. I maintained a stony silence until I'd demolished most of the bottle. It was, I have to admit, very good.
“So, you want me to take an old ho to Korsiki via Derelict – traitor territory, if you recall – and then via slaver space.” I smiled sweetly. “Anything else? Dear.”
V cringed. He knew there'd be fireworks when we were alone. Just not the kind of fireworks he liked. “Nothing else. Honest.”
“Well, I'll happily do that courier run for you. But it'll cost you an additional three months' skill training. That's very reasonable, wouldn't you say?”
V smiled.
And that was it. Long story short, I got to Korsiki without any mishaps, and EU is even better than I'd expected. I'm really, really having fun, learning lots and making new friends.
Sorry, hun, have to go! We're under a war-dec (Yay!) and they're calling for a fleet.
Lots of love
A
PS: Oh my god! Ohmigod, ohmigod! Oh. My. God! Just got back from the fleet op. News just in – EU is moving to Aldrat. That's in Metropolis. I've just moved all the way to Calboring space – and now I have to go all the way back. I don't believe it. I really don't believe it.
This is all V's fault.